Self Portrait on Flickr.
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The demons of my past constantly threaten the hope for my future it seems every time i heal a wound they come and dissolve my hearts’ suture. They’re nothing more than moochers. they serve as my souls own personal abusers and users but it’s my fault because I serve as their suitor. I court them as if I want them, but i must want them because I create em, truth is I hate em, but I can’t shake em. I just pray that someday God will take em but what good is that if all Ima do is continue to make em.This is self-destruction at its worse I do as if it’s rehearsed I fall first in a long line of those who are cursed all to quench my thirst for the need to fulfill my worldly desires ignoring the fact that I am dooming my soul to burn in eternal fires. of course we know the thieves murderers and liars, but the evils we know not of are none other than those that our own minds inspire.
What is love exactly? A word, A feeling, An anagram for the small fluffy stuffed creature “he” got you on your 2 month anniversary that made you feel like you two would never end?..is it a fad, or a trend found among the masses of your friends? How do I measure the depth of the love I’ve felt, or how do I count the treasures fate has dealt?
Where is love found? In your mind, your soul, or that anagram for the third “rock” from the sun in which we all dwell?..is it in our hearts most sacred cell, or lost down our forgotten trail, or perhaps it’s in those arms to which we fell, all before “he” put us through hell. Hmm. Maybe it’s safe to assume, our love is found anywhere we are. It follows us even if we dare try to go far.
How powerful is my love?..more powerful than the president of the united states, or the impact of a nuclear bomb, or even bigger than a natural disaster? Well put it this way: if water is the strongest force, wind is the most clever, and fire is the most fearless. Then my love for you could cause a river’s current to turn, force the wind to learn, and walk out of a flame without one burn.
Love cannot be defined by any one description, or found in just one place, or used to overcome only one obstacle. BUT if there had to be a definition put behind a colon mark found after the word love, I’d have to say; love conquers all.
I reside at the pointed tip where the two sharp edges meet, head down, staring at the face of defeat. I’m lost, trying to travel with no direction..by myself in desperate need of protection. I live on the end because I don’t know where the platform begins. I’m stuck on this flat, silver piece searching desperately for my release. It’s as if I’m treading water now, trying hard to stay afloat with each step my heart sinks deeper and deeper into my throat. Balancing on the blade trying to hold my self steady, anticipating the fall although I know I’m not ready. Standing upon the very blade that was once used to cut through my flesh, yet I notice no signs of my blood-stained mess. As I look upon the thin metal there’s no evidence of the hurt it has caused. Perhaps with the absence of it all I’ve regained the control that I once lost. As I gaze upon my unfair cards dealt by fate I see blank faces staring back as if to say I’ve been given a clean slate. So sitting there on razor’s edge, I inhale. When I release my air I’m home, away from my prison cell.
Yeah so it’s almost been a whole 24 hrs. since my birthday. I can’t say it’s been the most fun 24 hrs. or the most eventful, or the most memorable. But something is different. This is the first significant birthday in which I felt there was a big difference between who I was two days ago and who I am now. I’m not sure why, maybe it’s because my actions are finally ready to mature with my thoughts. I promised myself upon my 16th birthday I would leave my past behind me with no regrets toward it. I’ve said this so many times before that I dnt even believe myself anymore. But something about today, something about this very moment makes me feel like I don’t need my past. It’s always been where I find solace on my worst days but if I can only find happiness in my memories does that mean I’m eternally doomed to depression? If so then that’s not the route I wanna take at all. I just wanna find my role and play it well and I can’t do that if I’m giving my all to something that doesn’t even exist anymore. My energy is depleted, I am completely drained. If I don’t move forward soon my body will never be replenished.
So at 8:56 on October 12th I’m turning a new leaf…and in 364 days when I revisit this exact time I hope to give good news…smile until then! (:
You’re so used to playing second best to everyone, therefore you’ll never be anyone’s first. Lo siento, but you will NEVER win.
We’ve been to hell and back and back again and through all that chaos we STILL found a way back to eachother. That can only mean one of two things, or maybe even both: either I REALLY want you or I REALLY need you. Eitherr way you’re stuck with me ! (:
In life you will have good days and you will have bad days. But I promise you’ll always have more bad days than good ones..but still that is no reason to walk around with your head down feeling sorry for yourself. Keep your chin up, chest out, and wear the biggest smile, because that is exactly what the enemy DOESN’T wanna see ! (:
If you don’t have good balance in your life then you’ll never have anything..simple as that
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“In your pursuit of happiness you must be careful not to lose those who are also in pursuit of YOUR happiness”
So basically. Live it up, have a blast, do whatever you want BUT be mindful of those you have to push aside to do it. Far too often when we’re finding our happiness the FIRST ppl we hurt are the one’s who care the MOST about us.
Frankly I’m tired of ppl telling me I complain too much like wtf? Idc! I complain cuz I dnt like certain shxt and ima complain until it’s fixed. If u don’t like it then don’t listen to me talk..simple as that
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Have you ever wanted to cry so bad that you literally couldn’t?? Like has something ever hurt so much that u almost couldn’t feel the pain. Have you ever cared so much, that you don’t care at all??
You are literally the only person who has the power to break my heart, and you did..but I really trusted that you wouldn’t. But hey, thanks!!
When people say they don’t need anybody..NEVER trust that, that’s the biggest load of crap EVER!! Everyone needs/wants someone. That’s such a lie and those who continuously say they don’t need nobody are the one’s who need someone the most..be smart ppl, read through these ridiculous lies..that is all.
What if I don’t wake up tomorrow?? Better yet, what if you don’t wake up tomorrow??…life is incredibly too short to hold grudges. You should really just forgive the people that are worth forgiving, and I mean really forgive them and let the past go. There will be so many people in life for us to fight against, but when we start fighting among our own friends that’s when we’re in trouble. When the ppl who have always been there for you say they care or they’re sorry, you have to trust that they really are. Becuz after all if we as ppl don’t have trust what do we have??..that is all.
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